tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85741188065454444202024-03-18T05:00:33.158-07:00@ElizebethTurnquistautodidact. artist. author. atheist. feminist. fat. nerd. geek. wierdo.Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comBlogger329125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-35578378034715898632024-03-18T05:00:00.000-07:002024-03-18T05:00:00.314-07:00employed minority<div>The problem is keeping the job</div><div>Sure, we fought to get the job</div><div>We fought to get through school</div><div>Persistence took us this far</div><div>But this isn't a battle for promotion</div><div>Or getting paid a living wage</div><div>We are still fighting for survival</div><div>As an easy target for rejection</div><div>With excuses of team dynamics</div><div>Because we just don't fit in</div><div>Culture forces us to the outside </div><div>It's easier to get rid of us</div><div>Than to make a space for us.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-16191139580591251142024-03-11T06:00:00.001-07:002024-03-11T06:00:00.277-07:00Doctors are people too<div>Doctors are my least favorite people<br></div>But I can be mad at someone<div>Without dehumanizing them</div><div>They're not trying to be mean</div><div>They're a product of their training</div><div>They're expected to be superhuman</div><div>Authoritarian and competitive </div><div>They are restricted by insurance</div><div>Who get the final say in treatement </div><div>And I don't make their job easy</div><div>I'm a complicated patient</div><div>My symptoms are confounding </div><div>I already have multiple diagnoses </div><div>They dismiss me as a mental case</div><div>Because my symptoms are chronic</div><div>Because the simple tests are negative </div><div>Because they don't have time for me</div><div>So, I admit Doctors are people</div><div>People in power that treat me poorly </div><div>And the compassion I have</div><div>Is follow-up by earned distrust.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-39325502980534280372024-03-04T06:00:00.001-08:002024-03-04T06:00:00.395-08:00part of my personality<div>You question why I talk about it</div><div>As if the answer isn't clear </div><div>C'mon, just think for a second,</div><div>Imagine where I'm coming from</div><div>This lives within me everyday</div><div><div>Were talking about my quality of life</div><div>Restricting my daily activity of living</div></div><div>What kind of delusion would it be</div><div>If it wasn't a part of my personality </div><div>Not metaphorically but literally</div><div>Keeping silent for your comfort</div><div>Doesn't make my life easier</div><div>Since I can't avoid it or deny it</div><div>I'm not going to hide it.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-16839829905080574792024-02-26T04:00:00.001-08:002024-02-26T04:00:00.300-08:00anticipating judgement Let me be clear<div>I'm not making anything up</div><div>I spend my time isolating</div><div>And lying about what I feel</div><div>And avoiding the topic of health</div><div>Smiling through my discomfort </div><div>Actively minimizing my needs</div><div>So you won't ever know</div><div>What's going on with me</div><div>Because when I open up</div><div>I get shamed by doctors </div><div>Teated poorly by bosses</div><div>Doubted by my friends</div><div>The world isn't welcoming</div><div>People treat me differently</div><div><div>There isn't a reward for honesty</div><div>When it comes to disability.</div></div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-75883329093187544092024-02-19T17:57:00.001-08:002024-02-19T17:57:00.274-08:00accomidation for allRemove reason from accomidation<div>Reject the idea of undue hardship</div><div>It leads to false argument</div><div>If you already treat your staff shitty <br></div><div>Any request for change is a battle</div><div>Doesn't matter who makes a request </div><div><div>Employers reject workplace change</div><div>Even when it's low cost or no cost</div></div><div>So, this isn't just about disability </div><div>It's about core labor rights</div><div>Most staff have individual needs</div><div>We should have tools to do our job</div><div>Get flexibility between work and life</div><div><div>Accomidation is considered radical</div><div>Because a job is seen as a priveledge</div></div><div>What if staff were seen as valuable </div><div>Deserving of a job molding to them</div><div>A workplace finding a place for us</div><div>Instead of rejection for a bad fit</div><div>All staff deserve accomidation </div><div>When employers accomidated want</div><div><div>It's not so radical to accomidate need.</div></div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-81276456568043482112024-02-12T05:30:00.000-08:002024-02-12T05:30:00.278-08:00Stop pushing the narrative<div>Your suggestion it's our fault</div><div>This thing we were born with</div><div>Is victim blaming at best</div><div>And eugenics at worst</div><div><div>We don't deserve this</div><div>We didn't earn it</div></div><div>Your lack of compassion</div><div>And your willful ignorance</div><div>Perpetuates a harmful myth</div><div>Dare I ask you be more kind</div><div>In the way you view a stranger.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-79397466748634484932024-02-05T17:40:00.001-08:002024-02-05T17:40:00.404-08:00leave the game<div>Peace is not easy</div><div>The world gets in the way</div><div>People like their familiar</div><div>Even when it's painful</div><div>Fighting is what they know</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>How do I avoid lonely</div><div>But also not participate</div><div>People come with drama</div><div><div>How do I not get treated poorly </div><div>Without always fighting for me</div></div><div><br></div><div>How do I not aim to win<div>But also not aim to lose</div><div>People want to be the best</div><div>I have to step away from it</div><div>Leave the game</div></div><div><br></div><div>Standing slightly apart</div><div>Cautious towards the world<br></div><div>Choosing not to fight people</div><div>Developing habits that save me</div><div>From a culture trying to defeat me.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-79646871984920229542024-01-29T04:00:00.000-08:002024-01-29T04:00:00.278-08:00public forced isolation <div><br></div><div><div>No more masks for you</div><div>You won't be forced to vaccinate </div><div>It's your right to spread disease</div><div>Passively killing in your wake</div></div><div><br></div><div><div>Those old "Ugly Laws" are gone</div><div>But you still actively shun us</div><div>Put the burden of health on us</div><div>Believe only the fit should survive</div></div><div><br></div>You don't want to see us<div>Or understand our experience </div><div>Thinking about us is tiring </div><div>It's just easier if we are invisible</div><div><br></div><div>One day you will be old</div><div>And age will probably bring disability </div><div>But that is for future you to know</div><div>Current you prefers your ignorance.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-75425213313127832382024-01-22T05:00:00.001-08:002024-01-22T05:00:00.269-08:00supposedly imagined painThe stories goes that I'm faking<div>My discomfort isn't real</div><div><div>Women make such a big deal </div><div>And fat women deserve it</div><div>And black women don't feel it</div></div><div>They suggest I'm malingering</div><div>And I'm seeking attention</div><div>I should, "learn to live with it"</div><div><div>They say mental illness isn't painful </div><div>Nor is rejection or loneliness</div><div>The fact that it's persistant</div><div>Makes it less believable </div></div><div>Only a doctor can define it</div><div>And throw a pill at it to cure it</div><div>But even without treatement</div><div>If only I would believe myself better</div><div>If only I was tough enough</div><div>Then I could stop my chronic pain.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-19256931364987515892024-01-15T05:00:00.001-08:002024-01-15T05:00:00.289-08:00bootstrap envyI envy the priveledge of bootstraps<div>The social ability to foster connection</div><div>The physical stamina to work extra</div><div>The attractive features to fit in</div><div>The backing of family and friends</div><div>The access to education and training</div><div>Toss in some luck and persistance</div><div>And you say, "That's all it takes!"</div><div>(To become a rare success story)</div><div>But I don't envy your ignorance</div><div>You can't see your own priveledge.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-44316770665639917832024-01-08T05:30:00.001-08:002024-01-27T23:03:50.527-08:00bias of the medical modelI use the term "medical model"<div>As a short hand for doctors are limited</div><div>Because they focus on broad strokes<br></div><div>They only believe the statistical norm</div><div><div>Focusing on tests and clear patterns </div><div>A set of specific diagnosis criteria</div></div><div>So if symptoms are varied and vauge</div><div>They are likely to say nothing is wrong</div><div>Or to suggest "it's in your head"</div><div><div>They're not searching for an oulier</div><div>We're not the exception to the rule</div></div><div>Patients are stupid and uninformed</div><div>Doctors the authoritative expert<br></div><div>And we should trust their declaration</div><div>Believe them over our own body.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-32313654869508384722024-01-01T06:30:00.000-08:002024-01-01T06:30:00.293-08:00losing priveledge You are losing something<div><div>The extra you have isn't yours</div><div>It was unfair when was given to you</div><div>Distributed unequally at birth<br></div><div>And now it feels unfair to loose it</div><div>Like you're being stolen from</div><div>But you are returning stolen goods</div><div>The fair part is you sharing</div><div>Giving up the extra you have</div><div>So that everyone can have some.</div></div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-69103423766585571292023-12-25T04:00:00.000-08:002023-12-25T04:00:00.279-08:00health I never had<div>I see health in others</div><div>And miss a life I can't know</div><div>An imagined experience<div>I grieve for what I never got</div><div><br></div><div>I morn the life I'm missing</div><div>The freedom I don't have</div><div>Settling into a compromise</div><div>With my imperfect body</div><div><br></div><div>I'm frustrated by new symptoms</div><div>Trapped in this tightening trap</div><div>As my body betrays me</div><div>I adjust to the new normal</div><div><br></div><div>But I can't live in grief </div><div>So I give myself space to feel</div><div>Light a candle for my loss</div><div>And then turn back to the life I have.</div></div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-27193848179372742342023-12-18T06:00:00.000-08:002023-12-18T06:00:00.272-08:00I want a wife<div>Wish I could find a man to be my wife</div><div>Who's totally devoted to my needs</div><div>Gives me endless free labor</div><div>Asks for the bare minimum in return</div><div><br></div><div><div>A man focused on my desire</div><div>To be on display when I choose</div><div>Who's aware I can replace him</div><div>With a younger, more eager version</div></div><div><br></div><div>Is happily barefoot in the kitchen</div><div>Making our house a home</div><div>Sacrifices his own needs</div><div>Because my needs come first</div><div><br></div><div>And he would know his place</div><div>Because I gave him my name</div><div>A wife is the reward I deserve</div><div>My prize and proof I won at life.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-4474112914736265052023-12-11T04:00:00.000-08:002023-12-11T04:00:00.280-08:00cleave people from the herdWe're your sickly and old<div>The ones that can't keep up</div><div>Falling behind in the race</div><div>The ones you sacrifice</div><div><br></div><div>You see us as disposable<br></div><div>Or you choose to be blind</div><div>Except you are setting yourself up</div><div>For a future of being culled, too</div><div><br></div><div>When you forget compassion and care</div><div>You ignore that we're in your herd</div><div>You may choose to see us</div><div>But we can't help but see you.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-62314088845714353812023-12-04T06:30:00.001-08:002023-12-04T06:30:00.283-08:00a moderated life<br>
<span ;="">I was a active kid and also sickly</span><br>
<span ;="">I played rough and then later suffered</span><br>
<span ;="">Never fit in school so I was a loner</span><br>
<span ;="">But my family friends played with me</span>
<br><br><span ;="">I had a social group as a teenager</span><br>
<span ;="">And I matched their social energy</span><br>
<span ;="">I stated up all night and partied</span><br>
<span ;="">And then crashed when I went home</span>
<br><br><span ;="">It was in my 30s that I saw the pattern</span><br>
<span ;="">When I act like other people I pay</span><br>
<span ;="">And the cost is tripple the fun</span><br>
<span ;="">More days lost than fun gathered </span>
<br><br><span ;="">I learned to live a moderate life</span><div>Chose stability in my symptoms<br>
<span ;="">I grieved that life wasn't like others</span><br><div>Gave up on a life I can't have.<br><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_221006_195418_997.sdocx--></div></div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-7753770981391383812023-11-27T08:00:00.001-08:002023-11-27T08:00:00.272-08:00not trying to blendWhat if I am cringy<div>A background player<div>That everyone laughs at</div><div>Self aware that I dont fit in</div><div>But also comfortable in myself</div><div>And that confidence shines through</div><div>Because I don't hate myself</div><div>I'd rather embrace my awkward</div><div>Than chase someone else's ideal </div><div>And maybe some people mock me</div><div>But that tells me who they are</div><div>It doesn't affect who I choose to be.</div></div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-10947355651939840252023-11-20T05:00:00.001-08:002023-11-20T05:00:00.282-08:00not dying today<div>My symptoms aren't acute</div><div>They're persistent and uncomfortable </div><div>Just not urgent or life threatening</div><div>I have treatements that work</div><div>Not a cure but a way to manage</div><div>And succesfull lifestyle changes</div><div>That make my symptoms less</div><div>But you can't call me healthy</div><div>I live with symptoms everyday</div><div>I'm surviving, not thriving</div><div>Some days are less pain </div><div>But I can't imagine pain free</div><div>Inot well but I'm also not dying today.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-12102018021442901322023-11-13T05:30:00.001-08:002023-11-13T05:30:00.275-08:00not a brave faceIn a culture where tough is praised<div>And showing pain is weak</div><div>Then I'm considered a whiner</div><div>Because sometimes I name it</div><div>Instead of living in painful silence</div><div>I defy loneliness and issolation</div><div>Take comfort from those around me</div><div>By bravely sharing my vulnerability</div><div>Admitting that living sometimes hurts</div><div>Speaking up can't remove pain</div><div>But it can make it more bearable.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-60572279458025470892023-11-06T17:36:00.001-08:002023-11-06T17:36:00.264-08:00not about you<div>My house is my comfort<br></div><div>It should fit my needs</div><div>I keep it up to my standards</div><div>I don't clean for guests</div><div><br></div><div>I live in my body</div><div>My asthetic is for me</div><div>And clothe it as I please</div><div>I don't dress for strangers</div><div><br></div><div>My behavior is my choice</div><div>My choices may not work for you<br></div><div>I have to live with my consequences</div><div>And I don't require your approval</div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes my actions effect you</div><div>And that is when you get to care</div><div>But I still keep these boundaries </div><div>My life choices don't disrespect you.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-15225766883199240332023-10-30T23:51:00.001-07:002023-10-30T23:51:00.290-07:00decenter<div><div>Why do you center yourself</div><div>Speaking for us but not to us</div></div><div>Give me back my words</div><div>Don't talk about me or for me</div><div>Your ignorance is quickly seen</div><div>But only by those in the know</div><div>You try to gatekeep what I say</div><div>Make up words to avoid what I am</div><div>My learned experience rings true</div><div>Even when you suppress my story.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-37329335515724944172023-10-23T23:50:00.002-07:002023-10-27T22:52:47.592-07:00living my truthI'm not willing to lie anymore<div>They like me hiding the real me</div><div>It allowed them to be comfortable</div><div><div>But it made me feel worse</div><div><br></div><div><div>You don't want to hear about my day</div><div>Because my day involves pain</div><div>You don't want to hear what I feel</div><div>My good attitude is back lit by pain</div></div><div><br></div><div>If the real me was hateful</div><div>Then maybe I'd understand</div><div>But this is about social discomfort</div><div>This is about disturbing truth</div><div><br></div><div><div><div>I'm outspoken but introverted</div><div>I'm employed and disabled </div><div>I'm authentic with mental illness</div></div><div>I'm not looking to fit your mold.</div></div></div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-71278426779025892302023-10-16T23:50:00.001-07:002023-10-16T23:50:00.288-07:00wife left in the hospitalIn sickness and in health they say<div>But it's often a one sided promise</div><div><div>We all agree boys run away </div><div>Eager to escape emotional burden</div><div>But men are no better at sticking it out</div></div><div>When a woman needs support</div><div>Men feel they're in the right to leave</div><div>If a woman can't serve her role<br></div><div>Husbands don't stay to be caregivers<br></div><div>If a wife becomes a burden</div><div>Chronic illness is a dealbreaker.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-1171150401549552292023-10-09T23:29:00.001-07:002023-10-09T23:29:00.301-07:00skewed by suspicion<div>Why do you have expectations<br></div><div>Of how health should look or act</div><div>You don't live in my symptoms<br></div><div>Health isn't linear and we aren't twins<br></div><div> </div><div><div>Who taught you to doubt me</div><div>To question a wheelchair or cane</div><div>Eager to catch me in the act</div></div><div>Of some malingering performance </div><div><br></div><div>Why am I guilty until proven innocent</div><div>Your view is skewed by suspicion</div><div>Outright assuming I must be lying</div><div>Making it up to gain attention</div><div><br></div><div>Who wants to living in this picture</div><div>Putting on a long con for strangers </div><div>Getting all this negative attention</div><div>Living outside socially acceptable</div><div><br></div><div>Why do you think you are special </div><div>That I'm makings it up for you</div><div>That you know the ultimate truth<br></div><div>That you know me better than me.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8574118806545444420.post-35412614051273882032023-10-02T23:50:00.003-07:002023-10-02T23:50:00.279-07:00Medicine exists for healthy people<div>Doctors goal is to get people healthy</div><div>So when faced with chronic illness</div><div>A complicated patient they can't fix</div><div>Once their diagnosis is complete</div><div>And they've handed out treatment</div><div>Even if the symptoms are still present<br></div><div>They wash their hands of us</div><div><br></div><div>Doctors aren't here for wholistic care<br></div><div>Few are excited by a long term puzzle</div><div>The puzzle of confusing symptoms</div><div>And rounds of inconclusive tests</div><div>They default to psychosomatic </div><div><div>They outsource the care of emotion</div><div>That is the role of a psychiatrist </div></div><div><br></div><div>Doctors want to conquer health</div><div>Not hear a frustrated patient</div><div>With never ending symptoms</div><div>They want to be the hero</div><div>But after multiple appointments </div><div>It's easier to label malaise</div><div>Than admit their failure.</div>Elizebethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17479169810375225985noreply@blogger.com