Monday, December 25, 2023

health I never had

I see health in others
And miss a life I can't know
An imagined experience
I grieve for what I never got

I morn the life I'm missing
The freedom I don't have
Settling into a compromise
With my imperfect body

I'm frustrated by new symptoms
Trapped in this tightening trap
As my body betrays me
I adjust to the new normal

But I can't live in grief 
So I give myself space to feel
Light a candle for my loss
And then turn back to the life I have.

Monday, December 18, 2023

I want a wife

Wish I could find a man to be my wife
Who's totally devoted to my needs
Gives me endless free labor
Asks for the bare minimum in return

A man focused on my desire
To be on display when I choose
Who's aware I can replace him
With a younger, more eager version

Is happily barefoot in the kitchen
Making our house a home
Sacrifices his own needs
Because my needs come first

And he would know his place
Because I gave him my name
A wife is the reward I deserve
My prize and proof I won at life.

Monday, December 11, 2023

cleave people from the herd

We're your sickly and old
The ones that can't keep up
Falling behind in the race
The ones you sacrifice

You see us as disposable
Or you choose to be blind
Except you are setting yourself up
For a future of being culled, too

When you forget compassion and care
You ignore that we're in your herd
You may choose to see us
But we can't help but see you.

Monday, December 4, 2023

a moderated life

I was a active kid and also sickly
I played rough and then later suffered
Never fit in school so I was a loner
But my family friends played with me

I had a social group as a teenager
And I matched their social energy
I stated up all night and partied
And then crashed when I went home

It was in my 30s that I saw the pattern
When I act like other people I pay
And the cost is tripple the fun
More days lost than fun gathered

I learned to live a moderate life
Chose stability in my symptoms
I grieved that life wasn't like others
Gave up on a life I can't have.