Monday, June 26, 2023

the price of mental health

Remeber that permanent record
The lie parents told us in school
Well your medical record is real
And it will follow you in life
In order for a therapist to treat
Insurance requires a diagnosis
Therapists put down an answer
An answer from one appointment
True or not, the diagnosis is on record
And medicine perscribed on record
A medical record that goes with you
And when your general physician sees 
If any symptom can be psycological
It can trigger them to dismiss you
Because you're labeled mentally ill
The price of seeking mental wellness
Is more that the cost of insurance 
It can be the curse of medical bias.

Monday, June 19, 2023

don't know what they think

I'm battling a false ghost
Telling myself horror stories 
My perception of their perception
An apparition of my own making
Writing dialog of what they think
Inserting my worst thoughts in them
Pulling preconceptions from the world
Imagining them as monstrous 
Behind their mask of silence
Believing they judge me
When I have no proof
If only I could stop
My preconception.

Monday, June 12, 2023

Aging into disability

Most people become disabled
I don't mean it as a threat
It's just an unavoidable fact
Inevitably we all get old
And old comes with more sick
And medicine can keep us alive
But treatement isn't always a cure
So most of us age into disability
Life goes on when we aren't young
We can survive without perfect health
We can live a life not able-bodied
And the wisdom I'd like to offer y'all
If you notice a person with a disability
Is that we all end up there eventually.

Monday, June 5, 2023

no longer desired

As a girl I was susceptible 
The promise of princess fantasy 
Of a man to take care of me
I romanticized my gender role

My young mind rejected the dour
What my elder women said
A prediction I would regret
A promise that girlishness is fleeting

I don't choose to resent my youth
As I lapped up the male gaze
As I took care of my man
As I believed in forever

No, I wont condemn my child self
For falling prey to tainted fruit
It's men that saw an expiration date
That thought me better compliant 

I prefer to be angry at them
Resentful at their dismissal
As I aged out of male desire
Age gave me the person I want to be.