the price of mental health

Remeber that permanent record

The lie parents told us in school

Well your medical record is real

And it will follow you in life

In order for a therapist to treat

Insurance requires a diagnosis

Therapists put down an answer

An answer from one appointment

True or not, the diagnosis is on record

And medicine perscribed on record

A medical record that goes with you

And when your general physician sees 

If any symptom can be psycological

It can trigger them to dismiss you

Because you're labeled mentally ill

The price of seeking mental wellness

Is more that the cost of insurance 

It can be the curse of medical bias.

don't know what they think

I'm battling a false ghost

Telling myself horror stories 

My perception of their perception

An apparition of my own making

Writing dialog of what they think

Inserting my worst thoughts in them

Pulling preconceptions from the world

Imagining them as monstrous 

Behind their mask of silence

Believing they judge me

When I have no proof

If only I could stop

My preconception.

Aging into disability

Most people become disabled

I don't mean it as a threat

It's just an unavoidable fact

Inevitably we all get old

And old comes with more sick

And medicine can keep us alive

But treatement isn't always a cure

So most of us age into disability

Life goes on when we aren't young

We can survive without perfect health

We can live a life not able-bodied

And the wisdom I'd like to offer y'all

If you notice a person with a disability

Is that we all end up there eventually.

no longer desired

As a girl I was susceptible 

The promise of princess fantasy 

Of a man to take care of me

I romanticized my gender role

My young mind rejected the dour

What my elder women said

A prediction I would regret

A promise that girlishness is fleeting

I don't choose to resent my youth

As I lapped up the male gaze

As I took care of my man

As I believed in forever

No, I wont condemn my child self

For falling prey to tainted fruit

It's men that saw an expiration date

That thought me better compliant 

I prefer to be angry at them

Resentful at their dismissal

As I aged out of male desire

Age gave me the person I want to be.