Monday, December 26, 2022

no "just me"

How many lives do we live
The different titles and names
Private yearing and defiant thoughts 
A chameleon in different backdrops
A work life, Family life, Private life
An inner life and hidden true nature
I am not one but many
If you mix the colors they get murky
So we keep them separate
Only open the paint we need
To paint the person they see
Because all the colors are me

Monday, December 19, 2022

aesthetically pleasing

Does frumpy have to be bad
Can it also be cute and colorful
Can I be put together and confident
Without form fitting clothes
Can I attain aestheticly pleasing
Avoiding attractive and alluring 
As I sprint away from sexy
Defying the male gaze
I'm not performing for another
My goal is not to be perceived
I want to look in the mirror
See a picture I find appealing
And smile happily for me.

Monday, December 12, 2022

not for you

I don't have to be pretty
Or smart or sexy or worthy
I don't owe you attractive
Or charismatic or even productive 
You can dislike me all you want
Shun me and idly dismiss me
And I don't have to care
Or have a reaction or engage 
I can be all the things I am
As your judgement lives outside me
Because I was born into this world
And my existence is enough.

Monday, December 5, 2022

supposed to be

Love was sold as a safe harbor
A cure for loneliness of old age
The trick to a happier life
Through one true companion
But I found the story of love to lie
A scary escapade to start
And then slow comfort over time
But my fear was their dazzle
And my comfort was their boring
Life showed me a different cliche
Loss of love let me find myself
Where alone wasn't always lonely
I had to get past the story of love
To write a memoir of me.