Doctors are the villian in my story

As a kid, I coughed until I threw up my dinner

Screamed from painful ear infections

Spend school lunch in the nurses office

Wet my pants heading for the toilet

As a preteen, they sent me to a psychiatrist

To sort out my runny nose and cough

The psychiatrist told me to "do better"

To stop making my mom's life hard

As a teen, the truant officer came to the door

Mom told me to go to school achy

The school wouldn't take her notes anymore

Wait until the nurses office sent me home

As an adult, my boss told me to show up

Coworkers got mad when I came to work sick

Doctor wrote me a note with an end date

But I was still sick when I returned to work

I'm old now and Doctors blame my age

To few symptoms and they ignore me

To many symptoms and they dismiss me

If I wait too long to visit they shame me

What I've learned is that doctors make me cry

I don't expect to be healthy anytime soon

But I'm pretty good at surviving while ill 

Expert level at hiding my sick.

Closed to the public

You don't get to decide 

If my truth holds merit 

Your curiosity isn't owed

Just because I'm different 

You have no right to my story

My privacy is a closed door

You don't deserve an explanation

Just because I mentioned me

If you really think you're owed

Then your priveledge is showing 

The only thing you own is you

I'm not giving tours to me today.

Atoms in this galaxy

No more than ants to an elephant

Or a spec of sand to the sun

That us the only way I can see

Comparing ourself in this universe

Some propose a greater being

A greater intelligence to design

But then they have the hubris to think

It speaks to us all, it listens to us all

That it cares more for some than others

My thoughts lean toward existential dread

I dont think the galaxy speaks to me 

There is no one tuned in to my silent pleas

I can be grateful for my unique existence 

And agnostic to my place in this universe.

my priveledge

First world

White middle class

Well educated

This is not bragging 

This is my priveledge 

I didn't earn these

I am not superior

These are my benefits

My unfair source of power

I wish I could share them

But all I can do is be aware

That I have things others don't

Removing the barriers I can

And admitting my bias 

This isn't fair or right

It's just the world I live in.

Carrying these under eye bags

When allergies bruise my face

With deep set racoon eyes

Meds only help so much

Only time and sleep can fix

The curse my body lives with

These puffy, achy pains of existing

Doing too much or doing to little

There is no win, only compromise

I avoid what I can and live moderately

But yesterday the world beat me me up

And now my body's bullied into submission

These deep purple circles under my eyes

Tell me today I need to rest.