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Monday, May 16, 2022

not my potential

It's not our job to see potential in others
We are not tasked with improving them
If they didn't ask to be mentored
Or request our guidance in changing
It's not fair to mold them to our expectation
To try and change someone for our needs
The belief that manipulation can be good
That we are doing what's best for them
Thats stealing their chance to choose
Abusing throught lies and obfuscation 
They deserve to make their own mistakes
To be autonomous in their decision
To be a person that doesn't serve our needs
Growth and evolution is a personal journey
Only I can choose to change me
And they should get the same oportunity.


Monday, May 9, 2022

Speaking freely

I let my tongue wag loose
Free to say whatever it wants
I speak comfortably and confidently 
You can be impressed by my esteem
Or you can recognize my folly
Sometimes I make a fool of myself 
I mess up what I'm trying to say
I say things in a very wrong way
That us the cost of a free tongue
Actions have consequences 
And my tounge lives with regrets.

Monday, May 2, 2022

cruel animal

Humans are born with
Compassion and kindness
So how do we loose them
Where do they go
Is it a lack of nurture
Or the harsh lessons of life
Removing our nature of care
Turning us into jaded adults
We end up keeping pain alive
Passing on perceived harm
We nurture the worst part of us
We can be such cruel animals.

Monday, April 25, 2022

The body I have

I could envy a healthy body and sound mind
But I'd have to make up a story
A fiction of what it must be like
Because I've never had those things
I don't want to pine away for the imagined
What is the value in such fantasy
Snake oil salesmen may claim otherwise
But there's no path to an easy cure
This is the body I was born to and live in
I've spent a lifetime learning my limitations
I may be curious about another experience
To be in a body that does what is expected
But I refuse to live with envy
I refuse to imagine myself into hate.

Monday, April 18, 2022

unsolicited opinion

Your opinion is an uninvited guest
I didn't open the door for you to say anything
Don't sneak it in as a compliment
Or an underhanded attempt to share
Acting like you're all white picket fences
Next to my abandoned fixer upper
I'm not looking to get your buy in
My life isn't an open house
I'm not looking to buy your wares
My face is a no solicitors sign
So, stop being a nosy neighbor
We certainly don't live on the same street
Because I don't barge into random houses
I focus on my own life, I tend my own house
If I want an opinion, if I'm looking for advice,
Give me the chance to ask for it.

Monday, April 11, 2022

identity first

Policing my language
When I speak of my identity
Is simply unacceptable 
The culture may decree
Whatever it wants about words
But I decree what is true for me
You may think you know better
But I get to choose what I call myself
If you can dare to listen to my words
If you decide to respect my choice
I might believe your trying to understand
I might believe you care about I.

Monday, April 4, 2022

Curiosity Denied

Curiosity liked to stroll the streets
Eager to know their neighbors
One days Curosity noticed a new house
Privacy was out mowing its lawn
Privacy saw earnest Curiosity in the distance 
Privacy went inside and drew the curtains
Curiosity rushed to the unfamilar door
Curiosity turned the knob, but it was locked
Curiosity was used to strolling in, uninvited
But Curiosity was also a bit of a flake
And once interest warned, Curiosity left
Other neighbors coped in their own ways
Intimacy didn't find Curiosity reliable
Often annoyed by their inconsistancy
Curiosity didn't really respect Boundaries
Even when Boundaries built a gate
Curiosity just climbed right over it
So now Boundaries avoided Curiosity
But Privacy was new and interesting
Curiosity called out, pounding at the door
Privacy persistently didn't answer
Curiosity got louder, demanding to be let in
Night rolled in and finally Curiosity left
In the dark of night, Privacy stepped outside
Boundaries walked down the dim street
Boundaries stopped in eyesight of Privacy
Boundaries waited for Privacy to wave
A bit later, Intimacy walked down the street
Privacy looked for Boundaires blessing
Feeling reassured, Privacy waved at Intimacy
Standing outside, in companionable silence,
They felt bad about excluding Curiosity
But not bad enough to invite Curiosity over
So the three new friends went inside
And Privacy locked the door behind them.

Monday, March 28, 2022

Doctors are the villian in my story


As a kid, I coughed until I threw up my dinner
Screamed from painful ear infections
Spend school lunch in the nurses office
Wet my pants heading for the toilet

As a preteen, they sent me to a psychiatrist
To sort out my runny nose and cough
The psychiatrist told me to "do better"
To stop making my mom's life hard

As a teen, the truant officer came to the door
Mom told me to go to school achy
The school wouldn't take her notes anymore
Wait until the nurses office sent me home

As an adult, my boss told me to show up
Coworkers got mad when I came to work sick
Doctor wrote me a note with an end date
But I was still sick when I returned to work

I'm old now and Doctors blame my age
To few symptoms and they ignore me
To many symptoms and they dismiss me
If I wait too long to visit they shame me

What I've learned is that doctors make me cry
I don't expect to be healthy anytime soon
But I'm pretty good at surviving while ill 
Expert level at hiding my sick.

Monday, March 21, 2022

Closed to the public

You don't get to decide 
If my truth holds merit 
Your curiosity isn't owed
Just because I'm different 
You have no right to my story
My privacy is a closed door
You don't deserve an explanation
Just because I mentioned me
If you really think you're owed
Then your priveledge is showing 
The only thing you own is you
I'm not giving tours to me today.

Monday, March 14, 2022

Atoms in this galaxy

No more than ants to an elephant
Or a spec of sand to the sun
That us the only way I can see
Comparing ourself in this universe
Some propose a greater being
A greater intelligence to design
But then they have the hubris to think
It speaks to us all, it listens to us all
That it cares more for some than others
My thoughts lean toward existential dread
I dont think the galaxy speaks to me 
There is no one tuned in to my silent pleas
I can be grateful for my unique existence 
And agnostic to my place in this universe.

Tuesday, March 8, 2022

my priveledge

First world
White middle class
Well educated
This is not bragging 
This is my priveledge 
I didn't earn these
I am not superior
These are my benefits
My unfair source of power
I wish I could share them
But all I can do is be aware
That I have things others don't
Removing the barriers I can
And admitting my bias 
This isn't fair or right
It's just the world I live in.

Monday, March 7, 2022

Carrying these under eye bags

When allergies bruise my face
With deep set racoon eyes
Meds only help so much
Only time and sleep can fix
The curse my body lives with
These puffy, achy pains of existing
Doing too much or doing to little
There is no win, only compromise
I avoid what I can and live moderately
But yesterday the world beat me me up
And now my body's bullied into submission
These deep purple circles under my eyes
Tell me today I need to rest.

Monday, February 28, 2022

uninspired

A fine whine comes at the time
When inspiration is in decline
I use fire to fuel my brain
Fill the furnace with my pain
Wait for the watched pot to boil
Hold my breath until it uncoils 
Step away to let it simmer
Smoke'll let me know when it's dinner.

Monday, February 21, 2022

hurt feelings

It's true my feelings are my own
And only I can choose to feel hurt
But the shock is none the less
When reality defies expectation

A tone of cruel dismissal
Harsh words swaddled in sweetness
The unevenness stings sharply
I feel hurt by what you aimed at me

There is no opening to demand better
To ask reason from a mouth that bruises
At best I can choose to move on
You have no say in my feelings.

Monday, February 14, 2022

Corporate dissonance

Managers have to be the best
They have to climb a ladder
Compete to get to the top
Disability is a disadvantage
We are trying to survive
We innately don't fit in
Reasonable accommodation
Requires disability to expose need
To get assistance we have to ask
We have to explain our weakness
This corporate paradigm
The culture of management
Conflicts with the reality of disability
It's like expecting wolves
To see the sheep's point of view
And then stubbornly confused 
when the wolf sees the sheep
As a meal when it's time for dinner.

Monday, February 7, 2022

rare collectibles

Extroverts collect friends
They must have them all
Introverts search for rare
They want that perfect match
Is it better to care for the world
Or restrict to the right fit
Who can say what works right
Except for each one of us.


Monday, January 24, 2022

Maybe different isn't unique

I'm ordinary and special, as are we all
Not superior, as some think I claim
I stand out as much as I choose
Sometimes not hiding from view
My truth is defined by myself
It isn't up for debate or editorial
Long as I'm not causing intentional harm
I am worthy of my life in this world
Others may have limited perspective
Drawing a clear box around their existence 
I wish I could coax them out to see
But theirs isn't my choice to make
I believe minutia means there is more
The details make this world interesting
So I'm going to enjoy this life I get
My tiny bit of time in this universe.

Monday, January 17, 2022

everyday hurts

Wailing aches
Screaming pains
My body yells a story
It loudly complains 
Like a whining infant
My body doesn't care
The world infects me
Through the evil air
In the food I eat
Just sitting here
Can't escape malaise
Can't make me better
Existence isn't fair.

Monday, January 10, 2022

cringe

I may make you uncomfortable
With the way I wear myself
Daring to be awkward and rude
Speaking my oddly personal truth
Showing off my imperfect art
Refusing to hide my broken body
Maybe it's cringy to be me
I wish for you my self esteem.

Monday, January 3, 2022

deep or a above

Being the biggest root
Doesn't make you a leaf
A leaf soaks it up the sun
Living idly in the soft wind
Us roots are underground 
Deep in the dark dirt
A serf to the whole of the tree
We serve the same master
But we aren't in the same place
We can't always escape our position
But we can be aware of it.