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Sunday, January 31, 2021

let's skip romance

Finding sex is easy
Fleeting romance is easy
But the boring parts are hard to find
I want to skip the chase and mystery
Head straight for comforting commitment
Where my best friend loves my flaws
I won't provide one sided worship
and I can't conform to convention
I'm looking for someone like me
A confident snowflake of similar design.

Saturday, January 30, 2021

men don't get it

It's impossible to change another
Arguing they should alter their beliefs
Only makes them dig their heels in
Suggesting they harm unintentionally
Makes them argue their innocence
And the worst offenders are men

Men are taught to win at all costs
To fight any chance they get
They are taught power is a priority
Never compromise and avoid compassion
Because those are womanly traits
And women are the opposite of men

So, a feminist trying to speak to a man
Is fighting both nature and nurture
Nature that makes humans resist change
Nurture that taught men to never loose
I don't hold hope for my generation of men
Maybe we can teach the next batch

I don't want men to be my enemy
But I also don't think we owe them sex
All boys are accountable for their behavior
Rape is inexcusable, consent is required
Cheating and lying are intentional
Gender isn't an excuse for wrong behavior.

Monday, January 25, 2021

#chronicillnesswarior

Often my existence feels like a war
With myself and the world
Seeing the disbelief when I share
Because I don't look unwell
Being told to "win" at health
like I'm in control of my body
Arguing for assistance or help
From systems that believe I'm lying
Being told it's in my head
like I can think away the sick
I'm so tired of being in battle
I get to choose when I fight
Whatever is broken in me
Be it my body or my mind
Today I choose radical acceptance 
It's time for some boring peace.

Sunday, January 24, 2021

#womensupportingwomen

To all the beautiful women
All the smart and successful ladies
All the fit and fabulous females
I want those things for you
sometimes, I may feel lessor
when I commit the sin of comparison
But I will never try to tear you down
I will lift you up any chance I get
We all deserve to feel proud and powerful
And I wish those feelings things for you
with the same fierce ferocity
That I aim for them myself.

Monday, January 18, 2021

all the years

all the years
compounded by all those tears
made real by persistent memories
and lessons hard learned
lead to now

it's easier to doubt
when the world is so harsh
and the people inconsistent
their rational mislead
than to hold onto youthful optimism

I thought this was growth
the growing up part
we're told it's a good thing
that it leads to wisdom
and self-assurance

but sometimes it feels like a cancer
a malignant mass of memories
an awareness that the world isn't pure
and even the good things
are tainted by good meaning

it's the one's that think best
that know without doubt
and know their right
no matter what
those zealots, they truly scare me

so, what has age given me?
but an awareness that faith
is so frail, so delicate
that it often disintegrates
in the face of reality

The hopefulness of youth
is being beat down
by the doubt of age
because truth is a harsh mistress. 

Friday, January 15, 2021

Clique

Do you know what I hate
that feeling that creeps up inside me
the knowledge that I can't read your mind
It's built on a foundation of insecurity
and the thoughts I've let stray

I have to count on you loving me
even if you never say
after years of words passed 
between our lips on the air
I see it stalking me in the distance
that ugliness called fear

There isn't one heart here
there's ten, maybe twenty
a heard of things unspoken
and the decisions you've made about me
without even consulting me

It's paranoia.  After all these years
to think my forest might leave me
the insanity that stalks me
to believe your actions might change
when you walk around me, consistently.

If I were pleading to one person
one mind or one soul, perhaps they're be hope
instead I plea to the lot of you
the group of you, the family I've made
Don't leave me. 

Thursday, January 14, 2021

a plan calms me

I was raised by mental illness
By generations of childhood trauma
Where calm is the eye of a storm
There was little consistency
A new adventure everyday
But we were just surviving
Now I rebel against that chaos
I'm calmed by rules spoken
Soothed by expectations made clear
I'm comforted by knowing my plan.

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

a day

Parking lot paved with crushed pebble feet
Hot sun sinks in a black pavement
roll them rubber soles 
hood for another day
I can't see my hands for the brightness

Brush against her hand, wonder if it's mine
give me a smile, a thought
I know where we're going
broken toes and aching arches
stabbed on a curb by my best friend
so, she sighs in exhaustion

Holed up in a room, tired from the day
smiles on my face and a memory.