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Saturday, February 27, 2016

My subjective perception

It hurts when you question
My perception
While it's true
You may know fact better
You can't know what I feel
Or what I experience
Better than I
No one can dictate
My subjective perception
I own that
Just the same
As you know you

Friday, February 26, 2016

Brainfog

My memory is muddled
Like a dirty pond
My conciseness affected
Flirting with delirium
Better living through chemistry
Is my way to clarity
It doesn't mean party drugs
Or avoiding my reality
I fight the dissociative
Cling to sharp moments
I can't imagine
Trying to be muted
But this isn't my choice
My body fights pain
By removing memory
The wipe isn't selective
One moment naiveté like a newborn
The next wise from trauma
I don't get to know what is lost
I don't get to decide what is kept
Loosing words and thoughts
Not remember the details
Sure makes harsh reality
look better than lost reality.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Correction

I'd rather know what's true
That to stubornly act right
I never did understand
How admitting our mistakes
Is taken as weakness
Bravery is asking for more information
Confirming what you do or don't know

I don't live in black and white
Fact is proven theory
But theory can be disproved
Additional minutia can be discovered
A theory can be proven again

The details make a difference
My apple may be green
Your apple may be red
Were both talking about apples
And yet one is tart and the other sweet

If I take a beat
Admit to my limited scope
Review my assumptions
Ask about your apple
Maybe I could learn
Maybe we could communicate

If I still think you're wrong
I can always build my case
Show the proof of my position
Or I could choose to back off
Because it's not my responcibility
To make you right

Knowing what's true often means
Admitting I'm could be wrong
And being open to learning right.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Accepting the difference

No once chooses their trauma
Or wants to be always set apart
The idea that rape is a lie
Or disability is a lie
Or inequality is a lie
Is a misunderstanding
A lack of exposure
A lack of experience
We disenfranchised
Are seen in extremes
Either saintly courage
Or sinful weakness
The extremes make us seperate
Place us outside the norm
Some of us wear our label proudly
To refute the silence
To refuse the loneliness
Despite a lack of reward
Making it known is judged harshly
When, in truth, attention seekers are rare
But are no less damaged
Because no one chooses their trauma
No one chooses to always feel apart

If we are lucky find self-acceptance
We find others who make us feel normal
We make the best of what we didn't choose.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Finding happy

Money won't make you happy
But poverty will make you miserable
Struggling to survive is the worst
But excess is too much
The median is where we do best

People can't make you happy
But loneliness will tear you down
We are hard wired for companionship
And, yet, can feel lonely in a crowd
We need those deep connections

Priveledge can't bring happiness
Any more than being disenfranchised
Most of us carry some burden
We can try to see what we have
and acknowledge what we dont.

The lesson I learn, everyday,
Is happiness isn't a destination
It's bright moments on the journey
We can adjust our attitude
We can embrace fleeting moments
We can choose to recognize our happy

The grass is greenest where we water it.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Anxious


Suspended above my wakeful brain
Invisible threads of dread
Playing my mind as a marionette
Spinning the worst-case scenario
My awareness is blithely unaware
Until I lay in bed, waiting for sleep
Then a play is put into production
It's bright in the darkness
Loud in the silence
I regret what I don't regret
I question what I'm sure of
I wish that I could go to sleep
Because the inconsistency is fleeting
A new morning brings a sharp mind
No longer muddled by rumination
Rest washes away the anxiety
Gives me a clean slate
If only night didn't stand in the way
Of that clear new day.

Friday, February 12, 2016

Invisibility

I know you don't understand
I'm not sure you ever will
This isn't something you can teach
Because this isn't teachable
I struggle even to explain
Your privaeledge is in the way
But i don't hold that against you
No one wants this experience
No one chooses this reality
It is forced upon us unlucky
And there's nothing fair about it
I'm sad my truth is in the way of us
I'm resigned to the distance it creates
But I'm also proud of myself
For being honest about my world
Even if that makes you uncomfortable.